Thoughts on the airplane going back to NY from CO
I am sitting on the plain going back to NY & I feel tears rolling into my eyes.
A week surrounded by Colorado’s mountains beauty and united energy of 1,500 yogis, 5 days of T.K.V. Desikachar’s, Sonia Nelson, Chase & Gary Kraftsow healing through yoga YJ Colorado conference, remarkable teachers, hiking & amazing people. I’ve been blessed to be in the same room with so many remarkable teachers, abundance of information & new ideas for my own path. It was a dream I’ve dreamed & it became a reality: chanting “Asato Ma” with Menaka Desikachar (she said I was pretty good…well only because I’ve been studding this chant with Guta for 2 years:), eating lunch with Leslie Kaminoff, chatting with Timothy McCall, taking lectures from Desikachar & meeting Gary Kraftsow, hiking for lunch and breathing clean mountain air — really?!
I’ve learned so much.I don’t like to live in NY anymore, I don’t want to go back work, don’t even want to deal with my own family. I just want to move to CO and open an eco-friendly yoga studio, teach, practice, study & hike for lunch. All over the sudden, from the back of my head (or belly or who knows where), I hear a few sutras (I’ve only learned a hand-full from my teacher training):
II.7.sukhanusayi-ragah:Raga-attachment is holding on to happiness
II.8.duhkhanusayi-dvesah: Dvesa-dislike is holing on to pain
My understanding, we constantly seek for something we like, creating attachments or clinging & hoping or projecting to have the same results always. In my case right now, “I am in the mountains & I am happy & I will be always happy if I can stay here.”
Trying to avoid what we don’t like based on our previous memories. Again, in my case, “I don’t want to go back to the office or take the subway…” But the subway ride on he grand scale, is a path to freedom, so is my office job. Only because of that subway ride I can afford to be in the yoga community and pay for my training, go to CO & stay in comfort with ease.
Suppose, I can move to CO today & quite my job, abandon my family, my students & my job. Will it make me happy? How much would it cost to open the studio? Do I have enough experience? Even thought, I am not a spender – I like to live comfortably: self-maintenance is a big part of my life and this includes pricey monthly massages, doctor check-ups, organic foods and facials. Not to mention, the cost of all the yoga and other educational expenses I can’t live w/o….will I be able to follow my path of teaching, practicing and helping? Is it responsible to run away?
Well, I don’t think so. I CAN move to CO, but I have to learn how to be content with what I have today and where am I now. Going back to sutras again: II.32.sauca-santosa-tapah-svadhyayesvara-prandhanan niyamah – santosa contentment is one of the components of the internal disciplines (it all begins in II.29, the eight-limb path of yoga, niyamah are internal disciplines)
II.42 .santosad annutamah sukha-labhah – Owning to santosa-contentment, there is, an unexcelled attainment of happiness
It says it all! I have to follow my dreams & not fantasies (it’s not easy at times to differentiate), follow my dharma. But firstly, I have to find “santosa” and inner happiness. Anyone can be sane sitting on top of the mountain, but how about the subway ride? Someone who is content can find the same paradise sitting on the subway or hiking Colorado’s diamond picks (of course, I am not going to lie to myself – it’s pretty awesome to hike…hee hee).
I have to continue the path I’ve chosen to study, practice & teach in NY. I could have cancel my flight and stay here hoping for the universe to help me, but it wouldn’t be fair. I will be going back to work on Tuesday until my work is done and I am ready to take a leap. I have to practice gratitude and help myself & people in my community because we need it most. We, who are so removed from nature & each other (of course, the separation is just an illusion & one of the sources for our suffering and pain). I have the information I must share. I’ve been only studding for 2 years, practicing for 5 and teaching for 1 year! Being in CO, I’ve also have my mind set on continuing my training in yoga therapy (will cost another arm and a leg).
All over the sudden, the tears dried and I smiled to myself, the clear blue sky and white friendly clouds I’ve been observing from the plain window.
I can move to CO, but I have to do it responsibly and not now.
Suddenly, I felt a yellowish warm energy circulating around my heart and I thought of the word “gratitude”, ahhhh…gratitude for all I have: my boy-friend and our new apartment on park slope, my parents, my sister, Jen (my niece, even thought she is trouble – I love her dearly), my dear friends (especially Lina, Masha & Marieka), Guta, my mentor and my teacher, my favorite school, my students, my upcoming events including Yoga Spa & Yoga Hike. All the business ideas I have: Yoga pot luck, creating organic bras, yoga mat back pack, therapy training, wilderness certificate, sailing, teaching in YS, learning Spanish, Sanskrit…etc….
On that note, I closed my notepad and my plain nearly landed back in my home sweet home.
This entry was posted on Sunday, September 27th, 2009 at 8:30 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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